I can’t keep it anymore. I don’t fucking know. I don’t. I won’t apologize for the swearing. And I definitely won’t apologize for not knowing.
The truth is I went to school to be a Film Actor but I’m discovering the beautiful truth of not knowing and just living a gosh damn life.
I recently began listening to Tom Bilyeau (Owner of Quest Nutrition and Founder of Impact Theory) on how to deal with negative self-talk — you know, those awful conversations you have with yourself late at night about how you’ll never be a movie star, or how everyone is secretly laughing at you when you’re not looking, and how mom and dad never told you that you’re secretly adopted.
Tom explains that “that all deal with this sort of negative self-talk. Even those of us who score A+ on our happy tests, we still engage in the ol ‘beat yourself up brain’ from time to time.”
One of the things I’ve found most liberating recently though in my own life is the understanding that I really don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.
I’m not the only one though.
Check it out: All these amazing successful people that do great work do it too. So I’m not the only person who does it.
So if you don’t know you can breathe again and say out loud “I don’t know.”
This is true in the philosophical sense and the psychological sense, but I don’t think most people immediately grasp how practical and important this understanding is either.
Let’s play some good ol’ Devils Advocate
And pretend that you’re someone who knows it all and has everything planned out.
So you feel like a badass in the gym? You’re probably not. Think you’re the smartest girl at the office and destined to make millions one day? You really don’t know, nor do you know whether or not that’s even a good thing. Think that you’ve been screwed over in life and that if it weren’t for all of the imbeciles around you, you’d totally be some big famous bigwig — well, you get the point.
It’s often much easier to doubt our negative self-talk than it is to doubt the positive self-talk. But I’ve found doubting the positive is just as important, if not more important.
For one, it prevents things such as arrogance and self-absorption. It humbles us and allows compassion to flow more easily between us and others.
But most importantly, it relieves pressure.
If I believe I’m destined to be the next Leo Tolstoy or Albert Einstein, that is a LOT of fucking pressure to live up to. And that pressure is likely to cripple me and turn me into a neurotic butthole. That pressure is likely to close me off to any and all important feedback. I wouldn’t be able to write a word. I’d second guess every single sentence, including this one.
The issue isn’t negative self-talk, it’s simply self-talk. Or, you could even extend it further and say the problem is just talk in general. What matters is your actions and results in the present moment. And the more you’re able to refocus your mind onto that, the better off you will be.
Comment below and let me in on what “You Don’t know?!?” And how freaking liberating that feels.